"Why Am I Even Here?"


"The greatest gift you can give someone is your time, because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life you will never get back." ~ Rick Warren, who is credited with making this thoughtful and thought-provoking statement, wrote this in his best-selling book, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth Am I Here For? Ironically, this book title is the very question I have battled with for much of my life. In-fact, it is the very question I have been locked in fierce battle with for the past 17 months. Although for some time I have been keenly aware God has blessed me with multiple talents -- including an immense skill-set of vision, creativity, organization and the discipline to get things done -- God's timing and my timelines haven't quite aligned as I might have them to do. (Smile) I have diligently planted a multiplicity of seeds, nurtured them with great care and attention to detail, and buds have formed but fully-formed fruit has yet to appear.

The lack of viable fruit has been at the root cause of my very real internal struggle -- lately, increasingly ending with the same frustrated variation of this conversation:

Well Lord, you've given me all these gifts -- for which I am grateful and yearn to use for your maximum glory and honor. But, if the activity in which I'm presently engaged is not aligning me with my destiny, or it's not my time to walk into my destiny just yet, then please just help a sister out. Please just enlighten me. What on earth am I here for? I mean, I thought I finally figured it out. If you could kindly confirm it for me. All I'm asking for is, "Yes, you're on the right track"; "No, you're not"; or even, "Yes, you are, but I need you to wait for a bit. Just hang tight."

Now, before some of you [readers] begin criticizing my conversation with God, my admitted frustration -- and yes, a bit of tone -- I want you to be completely honest for just a moment. As I know you have had some conversations like this too -- whether verbalized or not! James 1:5 says, "If any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." However, it has been this very human frustration that has led to the grand revelation of my purpose here on earth...

The Day the Sky Just Opened Up

The morning of February 28, 2017, I received a phone call which would supply the answer to [this] my most burning question. That morning began like most (days) these days -- with me asking God for strength. As I have come to expect of Him, being the most faithful of fathers, He answered my prayers. However, as I should have learned by now at this juncture in our 18 year relationship, God provided that blessing of strength and revelation in the most unexpected manner.

Here on my website kandicejacobscreations.com, I share my perception of my role as a death care provider (i.e., funeral director & embalmer). I view myself as a trusted servant; and, I consider it a great privilege to be able to hold hands, wipe eyes and place my arms around sagging shoulders. I am humbled by the opportunity to lead, guide/or advise during the most challenging time in the life of families. For the past 4 years, during which I have been blessed to serve families, I have been called to utilize the entirety of my gift-set -- from administrative to social, to technical, to creative. Still, no ability has been more important than my God-given capacity to invest -- to deeply connect on a human level and provide what families need most during this time -- care and concern, to have someone capable of anticipating and catering (even) to those needs one is unable to articulate. The answer to my question of what on earth am I here for -- I am a caregiver...This ability is natural and instinctive; and, typically, my other abilities are activated as a result of seeing a hurt or pain someone else is experiencing.